Don’t Settle: 4 keys to unlock an exceptional marriage

Marriage presents profound opportunities to grow in devotion, love, and connection to one another and to Jesus. There are keys to tap into that potential every day and unlock an exceptional marriage! In this series we will explore four biblical principles that can help us maximize the potential of our marriages and delight in the creation of marriage that God has given to us! 

Week 1: The First Key - The Right Perspective

Eph 5:25-27 

 In the first week of our series, we will discuss the importance of holding the right expectations and perspective in marriage. Often times we hold a perspective of “getting my needs met” and, while culturally this is what many believe, the Bible pushes us toward a perspective of “meeting the needs of my spouse” and service to the other. That perspective changes the way that we operate in marriage – marriage isn’t about our happiness – it’s about our holiness. 

Deeper Dive:

  • Is marriage harder than you thought it would be at times?
  • Do you think selfishness is a problem in marriage?
  • How can God’s love for you help you love and care for your spouse?
  • How has marriage challenged you to personally grow and become better?
  • Is holiness more important than happiness in your marriage?

Week 2: The Second Key - The Same Page

Phil 2:1-4 

In the second week of our series we will explore the need for unity in the marriage relationship. Marriage isn’t about two people – doing their own thing (roommates raising kids), it’s about two people working to do more than one can accomplish on their own (partnership and participation). Unity requires us to see the world through the “eyes” of our spouse. It requires us to serve and love them – as we love ourselves. It means pursuing the heart and ways of Jesus together in our work, home, and hobbies. 

Deeper Dive:

  • What does unity mean to you?
  • How can seeing things from your spouse’s perspective help you to move toward unity?
  • Why is humility an important component of a healthy marriage?
  • Is humility a struggle for you in your relationships? If so, what can you do to work on it this week?
  • What are regular rhythms for connection with your spouse in your marriage (e.g. date nights – early morning coffee chats – lunchtime phone calls)?

Week 3: The Third Key – Resolving Conflict

Eph 4:17-32 

In the third week of our series, we will explore the need for healthy communication and conflict resolution. One primary element contributing to unhealthy relationships is poorly resolved (or unresolved) conflict. We want to avoid the 4 Horsemen of Poor Communication – Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and stonewalling and engage in listening and CARE in our relationships. 

Deeper Dive:

  • How do you view conflict in your relationship? Is it good or bad?
  • How do you typically respond to conflict? Do you avoid it? Do you get upset by it?
  • Which of the “horsemen” of poor communication do you typically get trapped in?
  • How do you think honesty and listening play a role in healthy relationships?
  • Do you struggle with forgiveness when it comes to your spouse? Why or why not?

Week 4: The Fourth Key – Keeping the Spark

Genesis 1-2; Prov 5 

In the final week of our series, we will explore the importance of healthy physical intimacy and sexuality in marriage. Culturally, we have a warped understanding of sex in and outside marriage. The Bible shows us the importance of healthy, God-given sexuality and intimacy. We want to keep the spark going in our relationships and maintain devotion and romance. 

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